Since Jessica Simpson being fat has blown to such epic proportions, we thought it necessary to give you a handy guide to what everyone is saying about fat Jessica Simpson. Here’s /Gossip’s exclusive rundown (feel free to print a copy to carry with you):

-Jessica Simpson’s ugly sister, Ashlee says:

“I am completely disgusted by the headlines concerning my sister’s weight.

Since when did a woman’s weight become newsworthy? A week after the inauguration and with such a feeling of hope in the air for our country, I find it completely embarrassing and belittling to all women to read about a woman’s weight or figure.

All women come in different shapes, sizes, and forms and just because you’re a celebrity, there shouldn’t be a different standard.”

-Fat butt Kim Kardashian says:

“I was doing Super Bowl interviews for my Leather & Laces party I’m hosting down here in Tampa, Florida, and EVERYONE seems to be asking me about Jessica Simpson’s alleged weight gain.

I think it’s absolutely ridiculous!!! She is not fat at all and I am actually offended that people are giving her such a hard time over this! LEAVE HER ALONE!!!

First of all, her outfit was FABULOUS! I loved that Fendi leopard belt with those high waisted jeans!

She is so drop dead gorgeous and the fact that the media is sending this message out to young girls is mind blowing!

I am probably twice Jessica’s size, so what do you guys think of me then???”
(/Gossip thinks you’re fat too.)

Ashlee’s scrubby husband Pete Wentz says:

“I think that the media puts too harsh of a spotlight on women in general and I think it’s a bummer. It’s bad for young women. I see it affecting young girls who come to our shows and that’s a bummer. Real beauty is on the inside, man.”

Jessica’s ex-husband Nick Lachey who shouldn’t care about anything related to Jessica Simpson anymore says:

“I wish her nothing but the best and I hope she’s happy - whatever size that comes in. I can’t believe it’s this big of a story and people are making such a huge deal about it. I’m never ceased to be amazed by people’s reactions to things.”

Heidi Klum who is not fat, and has nothing to do with Jessica Simpson in any way says:

“Everyone should be the way they feel comfortable. There are always people who are quick to offer an opinion and when you are in the public eye, people will always talk about you and put their opinions on you. That’s what you get when you’re in the public eye. But people need to be happy with the way they are.”

Jenny McCarthy who also is not fat, and also has nothing to do with Jessica Simpson except for the fact that she has an autistic son says:

“I think people should leave Jessica alone.”

We hope you find this guide handy, and will continue to add to this list as the story develops.