Simon Cowell is interested in terrorizing the earth for all of eternity. The whiny gnat of American Idol has announced that he plans to freeze his body when he dies so that scientists can possibly resurrect him someday when and if the technology becomes available. Simon says,

I have decided to freeze myself when I die. You know, cryonics. You pay a lot of money and you get stuck in a deep freeze once you’ve been declared dead. Medical science is bound to work out a way of bringing us back to life in the next century or so, and I want to be available when they do. I would be doing the nation an invaluable service.

Simon warns the world that he is interested in paying up to $250,000 to have his blood drained and body preserved, vacuum packed and frozen at nearly -321 degrees Fahrenheit, all in hopes that he will someday be able to return to the world, to yell at American Idol contestants for centuries to come.