Lindsay Lohan sat down with Ellen Degeneres yesterday to talk about her break-up with Samantha Ronson, and as you can imagine, she tried, but was inevitably unable to use the interview to salvage her reputation.

During the talk, Lindsay spoke all about what it was like getting dicked over by a woman who didn’t even possess a physical dick.  Lindsay said,

[Break-ups are hard] when you don’t know you’re breaking up… really weird. I had no idea what was going on. I just hadn’t seen her in like, a week. She like, disappeared.

Lindsay then continued on about the humiliation she went through after being banned from Charlotte Ronson’s party at the Chateau Marmont.  She also delved into what it was like dealing with the threat of facing a restraining order from the Ronson family. Lindsay finally ended the interview by confirming her sucker status, saying that after taking all that crap, “Samantha and I are friends. We’re talking”.

Despite all her neediness and batshit insanity however, Lindsay still made one last feeble attempt to throw another drop of glue onto her crumbling image.  She concluded,

Everything is really moving and going on and it feels really good. I’m ready to work. I’m responsible and I can be on time and I learn from my mistakes.