Melissa Joan Hart was apparently very worried about the health of cancer-stricken actress Farrah Fawcett last week, but not for the usual nice-people reasons.

The former teenage witch was overheard last Friday, quietly telling people at KTLA in Los Angeles that she was afraid that if the ailing actress died before the end of this week, People Magazine would opt to replace her own hot bikini cover with a story of Farrah’s death.

Luckily, Farrah is still holding on right now. As of today, Melissa and her sexy body/not-so-sexy personality are still gracing the cover of People mag.

Update: Melissa has issued a non-apology for her comments on her MySpace by trying to (unsuccessfully) explain herself. The witch with a B wrote:

I was merely explaining what I had read about how the cover of People magazine was chosen from an article last week I read in the Times.

Huh?

Full cover after the jump.

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Gossip Girl’s Blake Lively admits in the latest issue of Allure magazine that she’s so big that she often feels like a tranny.  She says,

I feel like a tranny a lot of the time.  I don’t know, I’m … large? They put me in six-inch heels, and I tower over every man. I’ve got this long hair and lots of clothes and makeup on.

I just feel really big a lot of the time, and I’m surrounded by a lot of tiny people.  I feel like a man sometimes.

We agree!

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Robert Pattinson, that really boring, greasy-looking dude with questionable personal hygene has just admitted to Seventeen Magazine that he’s a shitty kisser. When asked about his Twilight make-out scenes, he said,

I’m skirting the answer because I’m a really bad kisser. That’s why I don’t want to go into details!

Pattinson admitted that it had been a long time since he had kissed anyone before the movie, so he didn’t really remember how to do it.

Girls love this icky vampire because ___________.

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Amy Winehouse crept out of her hole last night to find her husband Blake, who she must have forgotten is still in rehab.

She was seen banging on the door of her old apartment, screaming for her crackhead partner. The Mirror is reporting that witnesses saw Amy with sores on her face, clutching a bottle of vodka, running around the neighborhood screaming and,”signing autographs along the way.” LOL.

Blake is supposedly leaving rehab tomorrow, so hopefully last night’s incident will not be repeating itself.

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Amy Winehouse stepped outside yesterday, and revealed a new haircut. Apparently the beehive is gone, and she’s now got short curls.

But that beehive was sooo much fun to draw!

Unfortunately, even without the do, she’s still ugly as fuck.

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I know some of you have been waiting for ages to try on Jacko’s used underwear.  Well now you can, if you’re willing to drop over $1 million for the honor.

Apparently, a pair of Michael’s worn and unwashed tighty whities will be going up on Ebay tomorrow.  The underwear is being sold by businessman Henry Vacarro, and was evidence from the 2003 molestation case against Michael. Vacarro obtained the sexy pants as part of a bankruptcy case.

The guy is also selling other random items such as a 2006 note from Michael to his then wife Lisa Marie Presley, asking for an annulment, and a used tube of skin bleaching cream.  Yum.

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When Heidi and Spencer stopped by Ryan Seacrest’s morning show yesterday to promote the new season of The Hills, they revealed an interesting fact.

The pair claim that they’re virgins. Spencer says “we don’t sin over here”. They say they even put pillows in between them in bed to avoid temptation.

The thought of these two having sex is truthfully pretty hurl-worthy, so luckily the hurling can be saved for better material. Don’t rejoice yet though. Heidi also mentioned that her religiousness is causing her to want to put out a Christian album. This means more bad music from Heidi, and more possible bad videos from Spencer. UGH…

The weird thing about this whole story is that in season two of The Hills, you might recall a certain annoying couple going through a pregnancy scare.

This leads me to two possible conclusions. Either the two of them really need a lesson on where babies come from, or they thought they had an immaculate conception. My guess is that the second theory is pretty plausible.

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Rosie O’Donnell has decided to take a break from blogging on rosie.com because she’s an internets addict.  Thank god.  She writes on her last entry,

i am taking off august
in blog-ville
2 c if i can
rosie unplugged

Wait wait, I have a response.

u r dumb
ur typing makes no sense
u r ugly
glad u will b unplugged

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Dina, Ali, and one of Ali’s friends all got kicked out of an after party for the premiere of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 the other night. Sources say that the three non-important people felt entitled to sit down at a reserved table at the party. When a studio staffer asked them nicely to move, Dina freaked out, so she was quietly asked to leave.

Dina, as always, has a different take, she basically says that A-Lo and A-Lo’s friend wanted to leave because they got uncomfortable after the studio staffer raised his voice.

Sources are saying that the staffer didn’t raise his voice, and one even says, “Dina was so awful.” Great quote.

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Brace yourselves, Heidi’s hideous clothing line, Heidiwood is going for round two.  Yeah, they really let her make more clothes for some unknown reason.

The new set of trashy stripperwear will be sold at Kitson stores, which recently dropped Lauren Conrad’s line, even though Lauren’s designs looked way better.

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According to an In Touch Weekly source, editors at Playgirl Magazine are apparently really impressed with Spencer Pratt’s body (huh?), and want him to pose nude for Playgirl.  That is probably the grossest thing I’ve heard in months.

Some source tells In Touch Weekly,

Spencer has a six-pack and muscles.  When he was photographed shirtless at the beach, Playgirl saw and asked him to pose for a nude layout.

What?  Did they see his face?  Or was he wearing that damn bag over his head?  I don’t get it.

Spencer is reportedly considering it if the price tag is right.  He says, “As usual, Heidi and I are entertaining a lot of offers.”

I’ve included a /Gossip original comic of what the cover might look like since it doesn’t exist yet (thank god). Even if it did exist though, we wouldn’t want to subject you to the torture.

BTW, you might think something might be anatomically missing from the comic above, but I assure you, it’s there, just very, very small.

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Hollyscoop got Dina Lohan to comment on her ex husband Michael Lohan’s secret daughter.  Apparently, Dina feels bad for the kid Ashley Kauffman, but thinks the mom Kristi f-ed up by f-ing a married man.  Dina says,

I feel bad for the little girl, but he made a mistake and the woman knew he was married… I wouldn’t date someone that was married, that’s not who I am, that’s a moral thing.  That’s how I was raised so it is what it is.

On another note, like this pic of Dina?  I thought it was flattering.

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That’s what The Sun is reporting.  Ewwww…

Source

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Everyone is reporting that Mena Suvari just got engaged in Jamaica to music producer Simone Sestito. I think the more important story here is that Mena got ugly, and this is the best pic I could find of her.

Source

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Do you see what I did there?

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